Level up!

As Ciara said “my comeback on one hundred”. I have disappeared for so long from the blogging world and every so often I tell myself I’m going to get back into it. Well now’s the time and I’m ready to let you all in on what’s been going on in the past few months of my life. First things first, if you haven’t noticed by now my blog is very personal to myself and I hold nothing back. It’s raw and that’s something I take pride in. If that’s not something you’re interested in or it’s not for you I suggest you stop reading here.

I think it was around February/March when I last blogged and boy has so much changed. I’ve gone through so many emotions and faced a heck of a lot of challenges.

Let’s start with my move. I made it into the capital city! Whilst working at Volkswagen Group I grew very unmotivated. That’s the thing about me, I always crave new challenges. It didn’t take long for me to get an interview as a digital marketing executive and I actually got offered the job the same day! Within a month I had moved to London and settled in my own place and new job.

A few months down the line I was made redundant and I broke up with my partner at the time. In all honesty, I didn’t handle it very well. At the age of 22 facing redundancy after making such a big move was really upsetting, it’s enough to knock anyone back. Anxiety decided to make a reappearance (I had just got over my anxiety of travelling underground, silly I know but I have my reasons) and slowly soon did depression. I cut people off and I didn’t leave my bed let alone my house, I didn’t even speak to my mum properly. The few people I did speak to in my life at the time advised me to move back to Leeds so I could be at home with my mum. For those of you that don’t know me I’m very stubborn, I decided to stick it out in London. For around a month I was unemployed and I couldn’t even bear thinking about my next move.

May came and went and so did June. It didn’t take me much longer to snap out of it, pick myself up and prove to myself and everyone else that I can handle this situation. I applied for jobs and attended interview after interview, this was difficult in itself given the fact I have never struggled to get a job before. Again, it took me a while to pluck up the courage to put myself through the process of applying for jobs again.

I soon got invited for an for an interview at a company where there were two vacancies, both in which I had strengths. I left feeling hopeful but didn’t want to put all my eggs in one basket as they say. A few days later I got a call and was offered the job, the company had actually merged aspects of the two roles to suit my strengths and pretty much offered me a better role than I had imagined. After a rubbish few months, this was exactly what I needed.

In terms of my crohn’s, I feel I’ve been doing quite well though I probably need to start looking after myself a bit more and I pray my good health continues. I registered at my local GP and asked to be referred to the nearest IBD team. 5 months on and I’m still waiting! Anxiety likes to come and go as it pleases at times but I think I’m handling it as well as can be (keep an eye out for my next post on taking control). But I have noticed I’m suffering from migraines more often than before, I’m not sure whether it’s because I’m doing too much or just because that’s what crohn’s does – throw things at you when you least expect it. I don’t cope well with migraines, the nausea is unreal and the pain makes me want to rip my hair out, literally. I’m left bed bound with zero energy and zero tolerance to any form of light. Even drinking water is a massive struggle. I refuse to take any painkillers because even the thought of taking a paracetamol gives me a panic attack and I may be wrong but from experience, I don’t think it’s worth the anxiety it gives me. I think I’m explaining this because I feel one coming on!

Despite everything, I must admit I am so proud of myself. Yes I have my bad days but that’s life! I’ve taken some losses but I’ve handled them like a boss (if I do say so myself)! Moving forwards I’m definitely focusing on the positives and things that make me happy and most importantly me. Believe me, there’s a lot of blessings I’m grateful for.

Anyway that’s my past few months. I apologise for the disappearance but thank you for being patient.

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