I showed anxiety who’s boss, again!

I hope everyone had a good Christmas! I had such a lovely day even though I was busy making all the dinner and getting everything prepared.

The time has come where I write about the time I took control instead of letting anxiety take it! It was a few weeks ago now, I’ve been meaning to write about it but I just hadn’t had the time or the motivation to be honest (writer’s block and fatigue definitely got to me). Anyhow enough of the negative Nancy, I decided to take control of anxiety again. Even though it’s food related, I’m really proud of myself for overcoming this. I hadn’t eaten cheese for a long time as it started giving me panic attacks as a result of my thoughts of ‘eating too much of something will cause me to become intolerant to it and trigger a bad reaction’.

I sat thinking to myself ‘okay, I don’t eat cheese but I’ve been eating foods that have been in contact with cheese, so what’s the big deal?’ Well the big deal was that anxiety has stages; some people have it more severe than others.  It was my lunch and I really needed something to eat so I went to the canteen and got myself a ham and cheese panini. It took a lot for me to choose a panini but for some reason, that’s what I was really craving at the time.

I was at work so I wasn’t in the safest of places but at least I was around a group of people. Not many people are aware of my anxiety and the severities of it so I was very nervous.  I had pretty much eaten everything at work that didn’t contain cheese so my options for lunch now were very limited. My panini was getting made and I had made my boyfriend aware of my option and how anxious I was feeling. I came back upstairs and sat in the breakout room to eat, I couldn’t sit in the canteen as I needed to be around familiar people. Whilst eating I was very aware of how I was feeling; nervous, anxious and in a way proud of overcoming the first steps. I ate the first half and decided to have a bit of a break so I gave it around 5 to 10 minutes before having the second half. Even though I put myself through an uncomfortable situation I persevered and finished the panini all whilst concentrating on breathing properly and staying focused. Afterwards, I felt relieved that I had got through it and actually felt fine! I was really happy to accomplish eating cheese again.

From my previous post about eating, I haven’t eaten alone again just yet but making these achievements slowly but surely do seem to pay off. Knowing I’ve done them once helps me when I come to doing it again. I’m not sure what my next accomplishment will be but there definitely will be something!

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